We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
