i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
