haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
