Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
