After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
