Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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