is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
