there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
