i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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