...so i touched it.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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