I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
