Who wears a wallet chain?!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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