grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
