wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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