Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
