Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
