Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
