yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize