i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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