so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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