he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
PANTIES FOUND
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
