some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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