I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
