Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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