3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
