I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
