I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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