Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
