Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize