i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
