I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
