1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I love you. Go after that dick
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
