fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
only if we run a train.
done.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
