is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I didn't notice because vodka
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
