i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my shit smells like andre
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
When are your genitals available?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
