Michael Bay diarrhea
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
