I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
