So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
