Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
