I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize