thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
