Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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