Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
