Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
