Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
