Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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