his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
