Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize