Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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