Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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