party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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