my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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