he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
