you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Soap is not a condiment
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sorry about my life...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
