My cat gives me a boner
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
