Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
