how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
