I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
