My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
