I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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