all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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