can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
