This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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