You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
