dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
