he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
