Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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