can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize