Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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