I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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