Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Everclear isn't food dammit
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
