you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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