he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
