I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
In other news, I just burned my penis
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
