after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
