dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize