Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
