Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
