What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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