last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
