yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
