i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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