dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
