You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
