bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
