Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
