break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
