just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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