We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
