she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Randomize
