So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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