everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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