My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
