Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
