After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Farmville is her only friend.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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