she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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