Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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