he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
