if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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