I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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