My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
