Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize