why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
