I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
