Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
