thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
