I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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