Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
