Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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