Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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