the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
