I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
