Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
