Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
