I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
